obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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