if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
