Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
