life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
