i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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