Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
