I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
