you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
