Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize