Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
