she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
