dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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