I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
