I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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