he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dick very happy bro
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
