My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
