What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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