I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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