Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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