A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
