Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
