Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
