did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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