If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
