Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
