i think my tv is drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize