Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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