dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize