can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize