She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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