My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
