Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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