I CAN MOONWALK!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
tell me about the eggs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
