we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my penis made a compromise with my morals
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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