If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
