Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
