new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
