just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
