it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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