Moan for me like Helen Keller
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
