i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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