i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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