I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
