And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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