i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
