So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't notice because vodka
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
