i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
