WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
