Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize