I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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