I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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