I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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