I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize