Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
