Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
