And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
