Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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