great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
