can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
