i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
