A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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