Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
