Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
