did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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