so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
