he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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