i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
