I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
