let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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