this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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