I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your penis caused this!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
