he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
