Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
