she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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