what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
are you so shy because you have an std?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
