The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
