I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
