if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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