ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
