I wanna bring you to show and tell
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
