life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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