Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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