God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
this hospital has no fireball
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
