Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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