Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
