I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
