And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
