life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
