marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
