then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
