can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
